it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
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