Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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