My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Randomize
