so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
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