well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
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