he told me I talked like a deaf person
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
