after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Randomize
