If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Randomize
