Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
