I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Randomize
