watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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