The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Randomize
