the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
