i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
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