who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
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