You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
Randomize
