so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
