we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
we're so committed to being not committed
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
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