This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
Randomize
