I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
