..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
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