i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Randomize
