I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
