well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Randomize
