Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
