i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
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