just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
