I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
I have feelings that need drinking.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
