I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
