Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
Randomize
