I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
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