awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
there is glitter all over my balls
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Randomize
