I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
