I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
