Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
