Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
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