I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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