listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
