I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Randomize
