Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Your penis caused this!
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
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