I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
no, he came in my armpit
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
Randomize
