moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
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