Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Randomize
