That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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