Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
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