I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Randomize
