my shit smells like andre
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Randomize
