She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Randomize
