i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Randomize
