Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
Randomize
