So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
